Learning about Cuba, and Having Some Food

Nothing drives to me to distraction like someone wasting my time. I’m very Mr. Hand-ian in that regard. Tomorrow morning two people from my office travel to meet with a client. I’ve been tasked with finalizing the presentation and making the books for said presentation. It’s now 2:43 and other than taking a few pages out that aren’t needed, I have not been given any edits by aforementioned bankers.

And there are edits – they’ve both told me there will be. And yet here I sit as they waste my time when I know they are not going to bother giving me the edits until, oh say, about 4:30 p.m. And then I’ll have to scramble to get the edits done, print the books, gather the other materials they decide they want, and then make books. And then they’ll say I’m wasting their time by not finishing the books in a timely enough manner so they can take them with them.

Spicoli had it right. Bring in the pizza. I don’t hear them unless they knock. No shirt, no shoes, no dice. Need I go on with more quotes? I think you get my point.

My Signature


  1. you could always do this …. *lol* !!

    A LOWLY assistant at Hearst magazines was fired yesterday after telling her high-maintenance bosses in an anonymous memo: “Buy your own candy, stop rifling through my desk and, yeah, guess what – I have to p- – too!”

    The blistering harangue – which she posted on mediabistro.com’s “***** Box” – begins: “Hey editors, get off your [bleeping] high horses and come down and smell your trash. We are your editorial assistants – not your maids, your mothers or your personal assistants.

    “1. Your dead plants, pigeons and other ‘wildlife’ in your office are not my problem. You’ve been around long enough to know plants need water and if they don’t get it, they die . . .

    “2. Duane Reade sells candy to ANYONE. Do not ***** if the candy jar is empty. Do not ***** if what’s in there isn’t your favorite candy. Haul it ONE BLOCK east and buy the stuff yourself . . . Plus, we’re sick of fronting the cash.

    “3. Pub Tech responds to everyone. It’s really easy to call them. And odds are, the problem is something you could fix if you would suck it up and take one training class.

    “4. The refrigerator doesn’t keep things forever. I’m tired of my one little yogurt being surrounded by your seven containers of three remaining bites of a $50 lunch that has been in there so long, it smells like sweat socks.

    “5. Learn how things work around here. I’m half your age, make a third of your salary, and after baby-sitting you for over a year, could do your job and still have time for a manicure. The copier is push-button, occasionally the printer does need paper, and the production department is just down the hall. Chimps could do half this stuff.

    “6. I will occasionally not be at my desk . . . No kidding. I have to p- – too. And I get a lunch hour. Respect it or buy yourself a slave. Kathie Lee [Gifford]’s made a second career out of this.

    “7. I do not have ESP. If you’ve told me to do something, it’s done, if you didn’t, it wasn’t. I can’t read your [bleeping] mind . . . and if it’s after 5:30, too late. Your forgetfulness and lack of organization is not my emergency. I’m going home to watch ‘Survivor.’

    “And finally, 8. My desk is not your playground. Quit going through the papers on it; not all of it pertains to you. Don’t take things off it – if it was meant for you, I’d give it to you.” The memo ends, “That is all – for now. The Assistant.”

  2. You and I actually do work. We produce something, so we have the most to do. Therefore, of course, we are given the least amount of time to do the work. Everyone else is too busy thinking big thoughts to cough up the goods in time to complete the project in a timely manner. That is our lot in life. At least until right before you give birth and never have to work in an office again. At least for a while.

    BTW, I saw such cute NY Mets baby/toddler outfits in Modell’s during lunch time. I was going to pick one up and put it away, but I figured my family would supply us with plenty of such outfits when the time comes. If if it’s a girl she’ll be dressed in Mets blue and orange. Whoo Hoo!!!

  3. *lol*

    Love the letter from The Assistant. So true, although I have to say I have bosses in my new job that do actually fax and copy things on their own. It’s quite impressive. They make their own phone calls too…none of that, “Please hold for Mr Big-Britches” stuff here.

    Of course, we don’t have a lot of document processing in our office, so I don’t have projects like you do. It’s nice.

    Can I share with everyone the story about the Mom from yesterday?

    I work for the US Marshals…we pick up criminals to protect you, the law-abiding citizens. Anyway, this mother called about her daughter. Daughter was coming in to court for a hearing and mother was wondering if the court is air conditioned. I said that it is. Then mother wanted to know if she should bring a sweater and/or blanket for daughter if she ended up being held over in jail. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that daughter would not be allowed any personal possessions and would be issued the standard orange jumpsuit. I referred her to the jail for that one. Where has that lady been that she’s not aware that anyone going to jail ends up in the orange jumpsuit? =)

    RE: Mets baby clothes…don’t forget the maternal aunt who happens to love America’s great game as well. You can count on all kinds of cute sports-related apparel for my nephew/niece…

  4. That is a very funny story about the mom and the prisoner. Sounds just like what my mom would do. And that’s great to hear about the future baby baseball stuff. Whoo Hoo!!!! Let’s get busy and make that baby. What are you doing in N’awlins, Jane? It’s going to be too hot to even leave our hotel room, I bet. *grin*

  5. It could be green, the terrorists wear green, but I think the regular prisoners get orange. Glad you liked the story. I have more…

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