The book I’ve just finished talks about two ways to figure out your child’s love language, and I’ve chosen the method I want to use.
The first way is to spend a few weeks giving your child options, using the five languages.
“Hey, CB, would you rather go for a walk (quality time) or have me sew that penguin toy back together (act of service)?”
“Hey, CG, would you rather I play with your hair and put it up (physical touch) or hear a poem that I wrote all about you (words of affirmation)?”
The object would be do continue to give each child options over the course of a few weeks, taking note of the choices they go for most often. I just think that would be a really hard way to do it. Instead, I’ve opted to go with the second option.
Spend two weeks focusing on one love language, and go ALL OUT with that language for those two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, if the child is soaking it up like a sponge, then you know they like that language. Ease back in the third week, and then start on the second language for another two week period.
So, today Denis and I are both going to be very physically affectionate with the kids – constantly hugging, kissing, playing with their hair, tickling, wrestling, etc. Basically, all the stuff we normally do. But it’ll be x10 for the next two weeks. If at the end of the two weeks one of them is telling us to back off, then it may not be that child’s primary language. So then we’ll move on to words of affirmation and go through the two week overload again. And so on.
So that’s the experiment that begins today for Denis and me. I’ve said before that I already know the kids love physical touch and quality time – they thrive on it, really. But the words of affirmation weeks will be helpful for Denis and me to re-learn how to speak positively to our kids. Sometimes it seems like all we say is “no” and “stop that,” and during those two weeks we are going to focus on POSITIVITY, not negativity.
Next up: Loving the angry child. Our kids aren’t necessarily angry kids, but they do have tempers. How to diffuse it, deal with it and dilute it.