A Minute By Minute Struggle

I don’t talk often about spiritual things – in many ways I think personal struggles are best left unsaid. But this one is such a nagging problem that I decided to post about it nonetheless.

There is a situation at my office that troubles me. Last winter an admin was asked to quit (re: she was fired but was allowed to tell people she quit). She was completely unprofessional in every way and the head honchos did the right thing asking her to leave. Upon her departure, admin morale went sky-high (ok, really it was just Mare-Bear and me, but still – that’s 50% of the admins at my company). However, she has recently been back in the office because the owner of the company feels that Jenny, the amazing temp who replaced me while I was on maternity leave, has no personality and can’t relate to clients well. I heartily disagree – Jenny couldn’t be more competent, professional, sincere and wonderful. The original admin was incompetent, extremely unprofessional, rude and falsely pleasant.

But The Prez brought Old Admin back to work two days a week. Don’t get me started on the office politics that allowed her to come back – the history is too long and pointless to go into. But suffice to say, she’s back two days a week.

I’ve been under conviction since hearing about her return about my attitude towards this woman. I was always polite to her – but she knows that I don’t care for her much and is just as falsely considerate back to me. Therein lies my conviction. Part of me says, “Why be nice? She knows I don’t like her!” and the other part of me says, “Maybe you should give her a break and be truly nice to her and get rid of the resentment and bitterness over her return?”

The human side of me sits here at my desk while I hear her voice waft down the hall, anger building up ’til I begin mentally practicing my big, “This is outrageous, I quit!” speech. The spiritual side of me says, “Let it go – it doesn’t affect you to have her return – you are wasting an emotion that is so negative it’ll destroy you.”

Literally minute by minute I’m going back and forth. One side: go off on her; the other side: forgive her. One side: ignore her; the other side: befriend her. It’s one of the hardest struggles I’ve endured lately, because it’s so easy to fall into the trap of just despising her. Because by the time she was fired last December I truly despised her, although I never ever showed that to her (although Mare-Bear and I shared quite openly with each other about our enmity).

But isn’t it hypocritical of me to attempt to be genuinely nice to her while the anger still lingers? Of course I know it’s not – I know that if I’m genuine to her that God will affect change. I know I can pray for the Old Admin – but I also know I should be praying just as hard – if not harder – for my own attitude to change for the better.

It’s tough, folks. I’ll try and keep you updated on how things go. But so far the human side of me is ahead by a nose over the spiritual side of me. Hopefully that’ll change soon.

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10 comments

  1. Yes, I want to know what one does about this situation also? I just got the gushing hello from her and the “once-over-look-to-see-if-mary-is-trndy-toady-look”, I barely gave a brief grunt and now taht I ma at my desk, I feel positively awful. Although I dislike her whole work ethic, her flaseness, her ignornace and sneakyness (sp?), and yes, she does bother the whats-its out of me 101% – but WHY AM I LETTING HER RILE ME UP, ANGER ME and ANNOY me?????? (and its not the money-thing either – that i could live with if someone who actually WORKED was in that position)

    WHY WHY WHY ????

  2. Tough call. You’re only human, but turn the other cheek and move on. You’re only going to be there a few more months anyway. Like water off a duck’s back. It’s Mare-bear you should worry about. As much as she talks about it, she’s never leaving that place. *lol*

  3. Don’t bet on it darling …..
    As each day gets more ridiculous here (and they are in quick succession) another nail bangs down …
    I just need to be sure of another position, another job, another palce to work. Thats all I want. I have been sending and posting my resume, but have had nada, nothing, zilch, zero in response….. Hmmmm Does that mean I am unemployable by anone else apart from this crazy organization I currently work for?????

  4. Very well said. I hope that you make the decision that gives you peace. I recently have struggled with something similar, although not exactly the same, in my own life. I have a hard time actively participating in some of my past friendships where I think the people are doing things wrong for their lives. I came to the conclusion that it is pretty selfish of me to think they have to live their lives the way I think is right…and instead of expecting them to be perfect, I should accept them as they are and go on with life and let them go on with theirs. It’s easier said than done though.

  5. one thought that often helps me through anger issues is the conscientious awareness that I really only hold myself hostage by lingering at the pools of bitterness, resentment, and anger. Nothing is gained by holding on to these things…your relationships do not improve, nor will it make you happier.

    so there you go, for whatever its worth.

  6. I’ll be praying about that for you. I’m starting to experience a similar thing with CC that I posted about today. She is exactly the type of fedgov’t employee that I hated when I was contractor. Let’s pray about this for each other, huh?

  7. I used to struggle with those types of situations. I know nothing of the woman but I would ask: Does she have a comical, native NY-er as a husband that loves baseball and cocks his head when taking a picture? Does she have a sweet, adorable little girl at home waiting to sing Oklahoma with her? I find that there are many who find their identity in their jobs since their home life is so miserable. Sometimes, we let these people take control of our emotions…we give them to the power to regulate what kind of day we are having. Don’t give her that power…take the power back and hand it over to the One who you really want to control your day.

    Splash, splash…(that is my two cents making their way into the Cootie Foutain of Advice).

    p.s. Does she read Cootiehog??

  8. I couldn’t agree more with the previous posts. You don’t have long to put up with the situation. The Word says that “the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have it’s perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” You have already expressed the desire to seek the better way. Recognizing that you cannot do it in your own strength, let Him do it through you. I had a situation with someone who offended me on two separate occasions, and each time it was a decision I had to make, as an act of my will, to forgive her, love her, and even thank the Lord for her, though my emotions told me the opposite. It allowed the Lord to take care of the situation for me and He did. I have a pretty good relationship with this person now.

    D. had some good points – who knows what is going on in the person’s home life. She probably needs someone to pray for her. You know, you cannot despise a person for whom you pray…

  9. Thanks, Marmie. We’re all in agreement here. Don’t let her get the best of you. No need for that. Not enough hours in the day. There’s a baby waiting just around the corner called 5 o’clock who needs you every day.

  10. Sounds to me like one to just ignore. I know it’s hard, but just make a conscious decision to not let her get to you, as your anger is only hurting yourself. It seems like you already know what sort of a person she is, so why bother with her at all? Deal with her when you have to, but mostly try to forget she exists. 🙂

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