Cootiehog

We’re Here to Make The Pigs Itch

Fake Boyfriends

I knew I’d get you here! All I need do is mention a page dedicated to my fake boyfriends and you came running, didn’t you? Before you browse the list, let me first tell you that my criterion for finding a fake boyfriend is as follows: He’s a male. Other than that, it’s all fair game. I’ve listed details next to my top five as well as those you may find obscure.

Jaynee’s All Time Top Five Fake Boyfriends:

  • Anderson Cooper – former host of ABC’s “The Mole” and now a newsman on CNN
  • David Tennant – 10th doctor in “Doctor Who” series
  • George Clooney – actor, director
  • Gordon Ramsay – chef extraordinaire, he’s the host of Fox’s “Hell’s Kitchen” and can yell at me anytime he wants.
  • Michael Vartan
  • The Remainder of Jaynee’s Fake Boyfriend List:

  • Alan Titchmarsh – from BBC America’s “Ground Force”
  • Alessandro Nivola
  • Antonio Banderas
  • Billy Crudup
  • Bradley Cooper
  • Breckin Meyer
  • Brendan Fraser
  • Bruno Campos
  • Christian Bale
  • Christian Kane
  • Clive Owen – SHOULD have been James Bond
  • Colin Farrell
  • Colin Firth
  • Daniel Craig – the new James Bond
  • David Anders – now on “Heroes”
  • David Cook – winner of American Idol 7
  • David Krumholtz – on “Numb3rs”
  • David Strathairn
  • Denzel Washington
  • Ethan Embry
  • Ewan McGregor
  • Gerard Butler
  • Hugh Jackman
  • James Marsters
  • James McAvoy – he’s delicious. “Atonement”, “Becoming Jane”, “The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe”.
  • Jared Leto
  • Jason Statham – from “Transporter”
  • Javier Bardem
  • Jeremy Northam
  • Jeremy Piven
  • Jesse Bradford
  • Jesse L. Martin – on “Law and Order”
  • Jim Caveziel
  • Jim Sturgess – Jude in “Across the Universe”
  • John Corbett
  • John Cusack
  • John Krasinski – now seen as Jim on “The Office”
  • Jon Stewart
  • Jonny Lee Miller
  • Jude Law
  • Marc Blucas
  • Mark Ruffalo
  • Matt Damon
  • Matthew McConaughey
  • Matthew Perry
  • Moritz Bleibtreu
  • Neal McDonough
  • Nicholas Brendon
  • Oliver Platt
  • Orlando Bloom
  • Paul Bettany
  • Paul Liebeskind – plays “Toby” on The Office and is also one of the writers
  • Paul Rudd
  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman
  • Ricky Gervais – of BBC’s “The Office” and “Extras” as well as his brilliant podcasts
  • Roberto Farnesi – he has a name! The Barilla Pasta guy from 2004 has a name!
  • Rory Cochrane
  • Rupert Penry-Jones – Capt. Wentworth in Jane Austen’s “Persuasion”
  • Seth Green
  • Shane West
  • Stanley Tucci
  • Timothy Olyphant
  • Tobey Maguire
  • Tony Dovolani – professional latin dancer who participates on “Dancing With The Stars”
  • Topher Grace
  • Viggo Mortensen
  • Vincent Cassel
  • Vince Vaughn
  • William Petersen
  • Zach Braff

    Rest in Peace, O Fake Boyfriends No Longer With Us…

  • Cary Grant
  • Danny Kaye
  • David Bloom – newsanchor with NBC
  • Glenn Quinn
  • Heath Ledger
  • Jimmy Stewart
  • River Phoenix
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  • Celebrity Dead Pool

    Jaynee - Carol Channing
    Meghan - Britney Spears
    Kate - Mickey Rooney
    Miss Jen - Ernest Borgnine
    NJSue - Betty Ford
    Cristan - Hugh Hefner
    Julie - John Goodman
    JenSpeaks - Larry King
    Bubba's Sis - Billy Graham
    Rob/Tara - Artie Lang
    Bev - Doris Day
    Ace - Gloria Stuart
    Sharon - George H.W. Bush
    Denis - Kevin James
    Uncle Bill - George McGovern
    Mimi - Amy Winehouse
    Colleen - Willie Nelson
    Princess Jami - Ted Danson
    Nevis - Liz Taylor

    The time to enter Round 5 has closed. Contact me at cootiehog [at] gmail [dot] com to get your name on the list for Round 6!.
    Previous winners:
    Rd 1: Uncle Bill - Richard Widmark
    Rd 2: NJ Sue - Estelle Getty
    Rd 3: Sharon - Ed McMahon
    Rd 4: NJ Sue - Eunice Shriver
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    Thomas Mullen - The Last Town on Earth
    John Foxe - Fox's Book of Martyrs
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    Nick Hornby - Juliet, Naked
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    Kathryn Stockett - The Help
    C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew (Bk 1>
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    Francine Rivers - Redeeming Love
    John Updike - Rabbit, Run
    Robert Hundley - Will the World End in 2012?
    Ted Dekker - Black
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    Charlaine Harris - Dead Until Dark
    Richard Paul Evans - The Walk
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    C.S. Lewis - The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe
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